We didn't want to risk the camera but just google 'tubing, Laos' and you'll see many snaps like this one
Whatever Vang Viene was once known for on the tourist trail of southeast Asia now pales in the minds of the gap-packers beside ‘tubing’. In guesthouses and hostels throughout Thailand and Malaysia a certain type of traveller will ask you: ‘Are you going to Laos to go tubing?’ As if there’s only one place and only one activity in the whole country and that is drinking beer and floating down the Nam Dong river on an inner tube.
The whole tourist trade here is set up to cater for these young tourists: 18 or 19 years old, lean and hungry looking, with moody faces and the requisite day-glo wayfarers and, immediately after their arrival, ‘Tubing in Vang Viene’ T-shirts. Ignoring the stunning scenery and pretty village temples, these cool dudes head straight for one of the many purpose-built ‘Friends Bars’, where they loll dead-eyed in front of episodes of the 90s sitcom until it’s time for the main event.
So loathed are this group of box ticking tourists (go there, do that, get the t-shirt) among other travellers now that we were loath to go tubing at all, but for just this reason it held an undeniable fascination – was the joy of tubing enough to condense a whole country into the sum of its delights?
Of course not. But having been there now, done that and not got the t-shirt, I can report that it is all the things most loved by teenagers everywhere: fun, alcoholic and dangerous.
The fun begins when you rent your tube in town and get on a tuk tuk bound for the jumping off point (literally). The hordes are left by the river at a huge bar which heaves with young bikini-clad nymphs like a jungle version of an MTV pool party. A huge trapeze is set up in front of the bar and two teens from our tuk tuk immediately run up the rickety steps and take their place in the line for the swing-out-and-20-foot-drop.
I feel old, and Jamie even more so, and despite the obvious foolhardiness of the tweenies (as we end up calling them) who mix huge amounts of booze with watersports, we agree it’s time for a little bit of dutch courage ourselves. Beerlao (the much, and rightly, beloved local beer) of course.
And this one...
After a beer and feeling very sunny, happy and refreshed, we sink into the experience, and into our inner tube (shared for the sake of our pocket) as we laze along the river. For the first 200 metres or so the route is lined with bars offering different amusements, games or substances: more rope swings, a mud wrestling pit, magic mushroom milkshakes.
Young Lao boys with life-preservers tied to bits of knotted rope will tow you into the bars’ landing stages if you want what they have to offer. We turn down quite a few before we see the holy grail. A waterslide towering 100 feet above the water, with a raised end like a jump any olympic ski slope would be proud of. We have to try it.
We buy another beer as our passport to the slide and it makes me feel as brave and foolish as Evil Knivel. Duly, I take my life in my hands and climb the stairs. Heart in my throat, hammering away, I can still take in the view from the top: glorious unspoilt countryside, except for the eyesore bars of course. Then it’s time to take the plunge and the boy running the slide pushes me in the back and I’m off and it’s too fast and oh sh*t this really isn’t safe and OWWW!! I hit the water with the backs of my thighs, my breath knocked out of me, adrenalin still pumping hard. That was awesome.
As I emerge from the water one of the guys we’re talking to tells us that someone died on the slide two weeks ago. “Or was it 4?” I can feel the blood drain from my face and we quickly take to the river again after that comment, and try no more death-defying adventures, contenting ourselves with a bit of tipsy splashing about.
Amusements aside, the tubing is worth it for the sight of the huge towering karsts that rise straight from the riverside, and the feeling of the cool flowing water propelling you back to Vang Viene. Unlike the rest of them, though, the end of the experience doesn’t make me want to move on to the next tick in the box – another country summed up by an hour or two’s drunkeness perhaps – but to linger in Laos, home to some of the most spectacular scenery, friendly people and, yes, tastiest beer in the world.
The slide!
Cool!!!